English for Both Sexes...

A Man's Guide to what women actually mean when they say it...!

1. We need = I want
2. It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
3. Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
4. We need to talk = I need to complain
5. You’re...so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
6. You’re certainly attentive tonight! = Is sex all you ever think about?
7. I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
8. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
9. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper ...
10. I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
11. Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there
12. I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
13. Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
14. How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re not going to like
15. I’ll be ready in a minute = kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
16. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
17. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
18. Yes = No
19. No = No
20. Maybe = No
21. I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
22. Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix so you’d better get used to it
23. I’m not yelling! = Yes I’m yelling because I think it’s important
24. All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your check book?


A Woman's Guide to what men actually mean when they say it...!

1. I’m hungry = I’m hungry
2. I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
3. I’m tired = I’m tired
4. Do you want to go to a movie = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
5. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
6. Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
7. May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
8. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
9. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
10. What’s wrong? = I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of this
11. What’s wrong? = what meaningless, self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
12. What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
13. I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
14. I love you = Let’s have sex now
15. I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we’d better have sex now!
16. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
17. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
18. Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
19. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
20. I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any frigging dress and let’s get out of here.